when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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