idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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