i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
