And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
