I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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