im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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