the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
