Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
whose ass print is on the piano?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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