Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
