headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
