accomplished twins. life is a go
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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