Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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