Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Randomize
