So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
