Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
