I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Did you just see the Batmobile???
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
