And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Send help, water and tortillas.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
