I hate your face
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
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