My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
