I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
