why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
