I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
pray to the hookup gods
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
