Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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