my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
