He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
