The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
