By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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