I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Randomize
