Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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