dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
