I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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