8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Randomize
