ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
