I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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