I just made out with a guy for $7.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
