My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
