call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
