when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
