There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
