I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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