We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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