You work out of a Hotel?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
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