something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
