If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
