I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
