i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i would punch a child for taco bell
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
