Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
