Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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