I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
