well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
