It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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