I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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