Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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