Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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