dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
