I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
