Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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