I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Found the puke drawer
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
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