I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
