Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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