First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
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GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
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I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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