She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
