Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
