Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
