It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
They took my balls.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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