I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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