We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
