Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
