i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Your penis caused this!
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