do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
