One girl and one boy is just not enough.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
He passed out mid-signature
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
