I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
