I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
