he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
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