I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
